What happens to sex after years of marriage?

What are the problems that couples face after years of marriage and what can they do to kindle passion once again and bring sexual desire firmly back into their lives?

The challenge of long-term relationships
Everyday stress, bringing up children and working all day make it more difficult for partners to spend quality time together, even though this shouldn`t be a pretext for avoiding open conversation, intimacy and sex. Mark Schoen, director of sexual education at Sinclair Intimacy Institute, claims that a satisfying sex life presents one of the preliminary conditions of good physical and psychological health of the spouses. And vice versa: research carried out at Chicago University in 1998 shows that people who consider themselves married happily tend to be far more satisfied with their sexual life and to have intercourse more often than unhappy spouses.


In each case, however, those who are married for a longer time have sex less often than young married couples. Married persons, aged between 18 and 29, are supposed to have intercourse (on average, of course) 112 times a year, while couples, older than 70 years, indulge in sexual activities only 16 times a year. What counts is the quality, not the quantity, but nevertheless the quantity of sex after years of marriage isn`t a negligible factor, as frequent intercourse strengthens the bond and reaffirms the feeling of attachment between partners. A total lack of intercourse in a relationship is thus a serious problem that has deeper, underlying reasons. 

The worst that can happen to spouses after years of marriage is boring sex or sex undertaken out of a feeling of obligation and duty. This problem is increasingly common, as today`s world leaves many people carrying heavy loads of worries and overburdened, suffering from psychological consequences of a quick pace of life and high competitiveness at work, which all make us neglect intimate sphere and personal life. Sex is connected to the way partners communicate in general, with whether they have constructive conversations and whether they show some sense of humor. Having fun connects them, while repressed resentment affects also the frequency and quality of sex.


Measures you can take to reconnect with your partner emotionally and sexually
Experts recommend holding hands and reawakening small romantic rituals in your relationship. It`s important that you behave towards your partner as though you were still at the beginning of your relationship. After years of marriage, you of course grow used to your partner and you overlook those qualities in him or her that drew you to them in the first place. Maybe it`s time to start recalling your past, where you should try to re-live and re-experience the initial phase of your partnership.

Decide to change your looks: start working on your figure, and don`t forget to be tidy and smell nice. Also, don`t forget to apply some sexy seduction techniques all over again. Instead of having lunch as usual, add some candles and conjure up a feeling of intimacy and warmth. You can also surprise your partner by inviting him or her to a restaurant, out of the blue, and tell them how much they mean to you.

Sexual feelings will not resurface without the feeling of friendship and trust, that`s why you should open up to your partnerj and tell him or her about your day, what are you thinking about and what are your plans and wishes for the future. Most couples after years of marriage talk only about their chores, their children or their jobs, forgetting the deep conversations they had at the beginning of their relationship.

Don`t forget to kiss and caress each other, even in public, and yes, even and especially after years of marriage. Loving, gentle touches are extremely important for a happy relationship. At least from time to time you should call a babysitter and go somewhere alone. After years of marriage, it`s difficult to maintain a high level of sexual desire, but this is something normal and shouldn`t frighten you. Every marriage eventually turns into a routine, which has to be consciously confronted and overcome.

Health problems of older couples
Older couples are more likely to face problems with excessive body weight and increased cholesterol level, which influences both their desire for sex and their physical endurance in bed. Men have to deal with erectile problems and women with lack of vaginal moistness. Viagra and lubricants can help them, but some urologists warn that no scientific research has confirmed yet the effectiveness of hormonal or other aids when it comes to treating impotence.

A sex therapist Dr Linda Benner has found out that the majority of married couples who complain about their sex life are actually already married for 24 years on average, and one or both of the partners experience difficulties with getting sexually aroused. A New York urologist Dr Michael Werner claims that the age important for impotence is 65 years: men younger than 65 years suffer from impotence because of psychological problems, while men older than 65 years can count on physical causes of erectile dysfunction. The latter can be an early harbinger of cardiac infarct. Sexual problems are also affected by the diseases of the prostate, depression in menopause and similar factors.