Thursday, December 8, 2011

How to build a good relationship

These fourteen golden rules of communication will help you rediscover that passionate zeal and build a good and strong relationship.

Be honest and sincere
If you want to build a good relationship you should first make a decision to be honest, no matter what. Even when you think that a misunderstanding could be solved by telling a white lie, you shouldn’t do it. White lies grow into big lies and these seriously complicate relationships. Be persistent in speaking the truth and be prepared to accept the consequences. You will discover that people respect your honesty.

Say what’s on your mind
No one can read your thoughts, so when you want something you have to say so clearly and loudly. In order to build a good relationship you should express your feelings, needs and wishes. Of course you first have to figure out what you really want.

Take time to think it over
Think about your partner’s opinions or remarks. They are never insignificant and they always carry a hidden meaning. Don’t be offensive or defensive, be sensible and rational! 

Listen to your partner
During a talk don’t take on the role of speaker but also be an active listener. If you want to build a good relationship, listen to your partner and let him/her know you accept and understand their problems, feelings and wishes. Show that you care.

Relationship isn’t a competition
You should remember that talking to your partner isn’t a competition where you have to win. When facing problems, try to reach a compromise and you will both feel like winners. If you want to express your opinion on some matter, give powerful arguments and don’t forget to come up with an acceptable solution to your problems. In this way, you’ll build a good relationship.

Don’t criticize
Each critique should be well thought over and supported by strong arguments. The purpose of a critique isn’t to hurt your partner but to enable him/her to correct mistakes. Before criticizing someone you have to make sure you are not making the same mistakes.

Criticize the act, not the person
You can criticize only what your partner does, but not his/her personality. Deep down, each person is good and bad actions are a result of different reasons and situations. Try to understand your partner and you’ll be able to build a good relationship.

Don’t generalize
During a quarrel try to focus on the problem at hand. Don’t bring up other unresolved issues, which have no direct connection to present situation. By raking up old stories and grudges you will only make your partner’s blood boil and this won’t solve anything. 

Express your feelings
Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and emotions. You have to keep in mind that there are no bad or negative feelings, only unpleasant ones. In a good relationship you are allowed to feel every possible emotion, you just have to learn to express it in an acceptable way.

Respect your partner
You partner should be your best friend. Respect him/her even when you disagree or when you don’t understand him/her. People are different, so learn to accept your partner’s opinions and different world views for the sake of a good relationship.

Laughter is the best cure for monotony in a relationship and a great way of relieving tension, so make sure that you don’t lose sense of humor.

Be self-critical
Accept responsibility for your actions and statements. Don’t be afraid to confess your own mistakes and always apologize to your partner for any slips you might make.

Think positively
Don’t pay attention to small, insignificant mistakes. Nagging and complaining can kill the love and criticizing can undermine self-confidence. You should rather focus on all good traits that made you fall in love with your partner and keep on building a good relationship.

Don’t be afraid to pay compliments
Another way to build a good relationship is to pay a lot of compliments to your partner, praise him/her and make him/her feel really special. There are never too many I love yous.


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